War

Faith moves mountains.
That is what the man in front of me kept saying as I stared outside the window slowly fading in my thoughts.
Positive thinking should be an armour we wear, he continued.
Depression is a choice he said.
And after those words I was lost in my thoughts and unknowingly I asked what made it a choice?
So you lost a loved one or a pet, You can’t find a job for a few months and you claim to be depressed?
I felt everyone’s presence and I came back to reality.
Do you think I choose to be numb? To feel suicidal and succumb to the Darkness? To feel nothing? To pretend to have no affection and love for things?
To stay in bed for days and just sleep, failing to shower not because I cannot but because I have no energy too.
Constantly lying that I am okay?
Cancelling plans that I was excited about?
Being afraid of coming for help because I feel like I have become a burden?
Feeling worthless and useless?
Going from smiling to really blue or grumpy in a second?
To be overwhelmed with sadness that crying cannot comfort. To feel empty and have a void that nothing can fill.
Basically I am walking dead. Nothing excites or moves me.
Why would I choose that? I continued.
I stood up and walked to the exit, and before I walked out I looked back.
The most positive action I have taken is to be medicated and not ending my life. I would love it if someone appreciated that.

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