It feels like you are drowning,
the point when you no longer have strength to fight for life.
Your body, mind and soul are exhausted,
But somehow you have strength to survive the day.
The worst is when memories of when
you fought with your loved ones fill your mind,
when you embarrassed yourself,
the ugly words you threw at someone,
the words they uttered when you got on their nerve,
unintentionally off course.
You want what’s best for people but personally you prefer to suffer.
You have no will to live, nothing to lose;
for whatever happens you deserve it.
It takes all your mental strength just to stay sane.
You eventually feel entitled to do anything for some peace,
for some relief.
You learn to cut.
You become a glut.
Maybe a rebel.
You learn to wear masks losing your true-self,
wondering if it will ever get better.