Failing to compose my words
A cigarette is lit.
I calmly watch the smoke rise to heaven
And puzzle on how much smoke comes out of my mouth.
Thoughts of what I have done wrong fill my mind,
All the sins and iniquity roam and roar.
It’s the same prayer of asking for forgiveness, a whisper says.
I turn blue and say sorry,
I have no excuse for my actions and choices,
And I hate asking for forgiveness daily for the same things.
It haunts me.
I seek a relationship with you and yet I fail miserably at it.
I keep building walls around myself yet I want you to come through.
I wonder why I do not give up on us.