love phobia


Do not say it is love.

Because I fail to explain it.

I have lived a filthy life.

A life I am ashamed of.

I have been told to put it behind me.

But isn’t my past a part of who I am?

I am capable of love but

I choose not to flee from it for I fear the worst.

I fear heartbreaks and fights.

I fear seeing her cry because of me.

I fear seeing her hurt because of the words I used.

I fear being the one person she trusts most.

I fear breaking her.

I fear her watching me break.

I fear wanting to be alone when she needs me most.

Cheating on her.

Running to porn for relief.

I fear failing to lead her to Christ like I am supposed too.

No longer chasing and wooing her like I used too when we just started courting.

I fear being a burden to her.

Failing to give God thanks for her.

I fear I will no longer gaze at her like I used too.

So God, work on me.


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