If you are reading this I just took my life.
I am sorry but I no longer had the strength to battle my inner demons.
You will say it was selfish of me.
I was being immature and foolish and I am fine with that.
But rarely people understand what living with depression for years feels like.
You feel you have failed even though you have not.You are always empty. Every ounce of joy always finds a way to turn into sadness. You seem to be disappointing people in one way or the other.
What I hated the most was reliving memories of how sad or angry I had made people. Depression never allows you to forgive yourself. You feel the pain each time a sad memory jumps into your head. It seems selfish and stupid that I killed myself, but I have set everyone free from myself. No one has to worry about me anymore. No one has to say that I should stop acting this way and grow up. No one has to sit me down and say it is okay. I do not have to live everyday thinking that I am a burden to everyone around me.
My family can finally move on for I personally feel I held them back from moving on.
I apologize for all the breaking hearts right now but do not cry for me.
Because that’s all I did. I cried for you. Cried for things to be different. I wish I was happy because that is what I needed most. I had no peace. I was sad every moment. I wanted to make other people happy. But I didn’t know how and it hurt. Living every day wearing a smile and putting on an act of being happy was draining. Because that was not the real me.
I loved you all. You know I did.