Because sleep eludes me, I lay on my bed and wish for death to take me. I am tired of the intensity of depressive mood swings that I no longer can handle. I turn left and right on my bed trying to find a comfortable position, but come to think of it I turn because my thoughts run towards a depressive memory.

I try to cry  as I hold myself, slowly trying to push away the monster me I keep locked away. The feeling of loneliness pushes me to play songs that depict the figure of my heart as I fight emotions of thinking I want to be loved. Pain consumes me, making my heart ache.

I am wide awake when I want to be sleeping. My eyes have turned red and I wish I would just cry myself to sleep. But even tears elude me. And so I battle the demons running in my mind as I scratch and squeeze my head. Hoping pain will inflict a new emotion of relief.

My room seems bigger as the voices get louder and I can no longer lay on my bed. And so I walk aimlessly in the house. Wishing I had a friend who could calm me down right at this moment. I want to cry but tears still elude me and so I scream as loud as I can, still wishing to be saved.



3 thoughts on “Distortion

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