There it is.
Exposed to the whole world.
Like a deep open wound, you now all know about my deep dark secret.
If you could see the state of my soul,
You would turn in disgust and sorrow.
Crying out to God to help me.
You would scream and shriek
Covering your nose from the foul smell of my rotting soul.
You would weep with me as you see me for me.
My flesh is just a clothing covering up the nakedness and filth of me, the soul.
I clean it up and make it look and smell good, deceiving everyone.
But inside, I am eaten away by the sins I preach against and yet secretly do.
I flee from God my creator, who stands with open arms calling out to me.
But I look at my guilty and turn, ashamed of what I have become.
Doubting that Jesus dying on the Cross once, was enough to cleanse me and I was forgiven.
I stand looking at Jesus and telling Him it was not enough.
I have asked countless time to the Father through you for this burden to be lifted but to no avail.
And now the whole world knows my shameful secret and they judge me.
They have seen past my flesh and my lies.
I am an abomination unworthy of God.
Am I even a Child of God? Am I a Christian?
Paul said in Romans 7:15-20 15 I do not understand what I do.
For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. [a]
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
I have cried out and I am tired.
I am exhausted of saying the same prayer asking for forgiveness,
On the same thing I will end up doing tomorrow.
I need you now more than ever.
You know me.
Fix me! Show what true repentance is.
Heal me, help me.